Who is in Control?
by Sunjay
Summary: I'm well acquainted With villains that live in my head They beg me to write them So they'll never die when I'm dead (Sort of a Songfic...but not really)
1. Chapter 1 - Nightmares

**A/N** Hey! So this is my first fanfiction in the Voltron fandom and the first story that I'll write in english. English is my second language (because of that I don't really write long sentences...sorry if they are kind of..clipped if you know what I mean) and I apologize if I write a word wrong or my grammar isn't the best. Just mention it in the comments. So...hope you like the first chapter! :)

This fanfiction is inspired by the song Control by "Halsey" and I suggest that you listen to it first.

 _They send me away to find them a fortune_

 _A chest filled with diamonds and gold_

 _The house was awake with shadows and monsters_

 _The hallways, they echoed and groaned_

 **Shiro** wasn't very fond of the idea to work for Zarkon. But when he was captured he didn't only fight in the arena. Sometimes Haggar forced him to go on suicide missions because she couldn't effort to loose a real Galra. He had to get important matirials such as scaultrite or quinessence. Of course Shiro couldn't remember his missions. Sometimes he'd lay in his bed in the Castle of Lions, sleepless, and would think of his time in capture. He can remember every fight in the big arena. How the Galra who surrounded him cheered when he killed someone, how he first used his Galra arm and how he saved Matt. But everything else was just a blurr. Everytime he tried to focus on anything else accept the arena, his mind would just go fuzzy.

Shiro was pretty sure that he would never go on missions for Zarkons purpose but somehow he did. Even in the arena he just fought his opponents because he would've been killed if he didn't kill. So why did he went on these missions and helped his enemys? Eventually Shiro always gives up searching for answers and tries to focus his mind on something else. And after plenty restless hours he finally finds sleep, but then nightmares take the place of his thoughts.

It was too long ago that Shiro had a good dream. Since the Kerberos Mission he hadn't slept really well because nightmares would always roam his dreams. Sometimes he dreams about nothing. That is the best Shiro can hope for because than he has at least an recovering sleep. Luckily his team couldn't really tell if he slept or if he lay the whole night awake, too scared to fall asleep. But Coran always glances up from his work and takes a look at Shiro to reassure himself that he's okay. He is the only one who notices Shiros silent yawns, the bags under his eyes and his slightly hesitation when he has to make out a plan.

Tonight was one of the nights where Shiro wasn't so lucky and could sleep dreamless. No. Another restless night awaited him. His nightmares always began with thick darkness. He couldn't see anything and his eyes couldn't adjust the darkness. Suddenly a pair of yellow eyes emerged in the air. Shiro yelped and jumped slightly. The eyes crept closer and something gripped Shiro at his throat and shoved him against a wall. He let out a sharp breath and groaned. The person with the yellow eyes was definetly very strong.

Slowly the darkness faded away around the yellow eyes and Shiro could make out a maniac grin in front of him. A chill went down his spine and he tried to get free but the grip aroud his throat only strenghen. Shiro gasped and tried to grap the hand which was pinning him against the wall but he only met empty air. The person laught loudly and Shiro flinched because somehow this laugh sounded familiar. He just couldn't really place it. "You are so _pathetic_ ", the person spit out the last word as if it would burn his tongue. "I wonder why you're still the black Paladin. You should be _dead_ already".

All of a sudden the pressure around his throat lessened and Shiro fell to the ground. The person laught again, but it sounded far away. The scene changed and Shiro lay on an examination table. Leather streached around his legs, torso and head and he could barely move. Galra scientist walked around him, sharp objects in their hands. Shiro began to panic. What are they up to? He jolted and tried despairingly to get free but the clasps which held him down wouldn't resist. Shiro slumped back on the desk and noticed horrified that his right arm was missing and the stump hurt really bad. Teares welled up in his eyes and he bit back a frustrated scream. He did remember this.

From the corner of his eye Shiro suddenly noticed someone approaching. It was Haggar, who smiled devilishly. "Hello my little _Champion_ ", Shiro flinched at the sound of his nickname. "Are you ready? This...usefull new arm will help us. I promise". Haggar grinned as if there was a bigger meaning behind her words than Shiro could think of. He growled at her and struggled again to get free. The evil witch laughed and padded Shiros left arm, which he jerked away from her. "Soon we will see us again _, Champion_. Have fun", she laught again and left the room with quick footsteps. The other Galra were ready and approached Shiro with their sharp objects and metal plates. Shiros eyes widened in panic. One Galra gripped Shiro and the others started to work with his stump. The pain was unbearable and an anguish cry left Shiros mouth.

The scene faded again and Shiro stood uneasy on his feet. He had to brace himself on a wall to stand steady. Eventually he looked around his surroundings and tried to understand the situation he's in. The fighting sounds which were seconds ago distand in the background were now louder and seemed to be nearer. Shiro heared screams and gunshots and decided to follow the sounds. After he rounded a corner he could finally see from where the fighting sounds came. A horrible scene played in front of him.

His whole team fought against too many Galra soilders. Hunk and Lance shot their guns at a group of soilders who surrounded Pidge, who lay on the ground. Maybe she was unconscious...or worse. Shiro struck the thought that maybe she was dead and he forgot that this was just a nasty nightmare. He tried to run to his team and help them but his feet were stuck to the ground. Keith whirls with his sword around the Galra soilders and kills one after another. But it wasn't enough. He got to Pidge and helped her up. Apparently her leg was broken so she couldn't stand without help. Lance got struck by an violet gunshot and he fell to the ground. Shiro screamed and tried again to wrench his feet off the ground but it wouldn't work. As Lance fell down, a part of Pidges and Keiths fire support fell down too and the soilders who were surrounding them had free range.

They killed both of them and they fell to the ground. Shiro screamed again and tried to choke back a sob. Hunk was now the only one still alive. He really tried to fight back the Galra but he loose too. Hunk couldn't stand so much Galra soilders on his own. They killed him too. The last thing that Shiro saw was how Hunk droped his weapon and toppled over.

"Hey! Wake up!", a faint voice reached out to Shiro. He blinked multiple times and tried to focus on the voice. "Shiro! Come on! Breakfast is ready."

With a gasp Shiro realized it was Pidge who spoke to him and he jolted awake. "Pidge!", he hugged her and sighted in relief. All of this was just a bad dream. It's over now. "You're crushing me", Pidge tried to get free and chuckled slightly. Shiro let go of her and stood up. He still had his normal clothes on, he realized. Maybe he just forgot to change to a pyjama. "Are you coming?", Pidge smiled up to him and walked to the door. Shiro nodded and followed Pidge out of his room. He must've slept a bit longer than he wanted, otherwise Pidge wouldn't have had to wake him up. They walked through the corridors of the castle and Shiro realized for the first time that the way to the kitchen was very long.

All of a sudden Shiro saw something in the corner of his eyes. He span around and peered through the hallway. Pidge stopped, realizing that Shiro didn't follow her. "What's wrong?", she stared at him quizzically. "Nothing", Shiro scratched his head and started to follow Pidge again, but then he saw what had catched his attention before. A big shadow followed them. It was the same size as a normal human and looked a lot like Shiro himself. But as Shiro turned fully around to take a better look, and maybe attack it, the shadow disapeared. "Shiro?", Pidge stopped again. He blinked and shook his head. Maybe he was just too tired. "I thought...Nevermind", Shiro shook his head again and continued his way to the kitchen. Pidge walked silently beside him and shot him worried glances.

As soon as they stepped into the kitchen, the smell of food struck them. Coran quit making Space Goo and Hunk took over the kitchen since then. Somehow he managed to make pancakes with some of the weird space foods he collected on different planets. "Mhm that smells really good", Lance stood at the kitchen counter and looked over Hunks shoulder. "Don't stand in my way", Hunk laughed and shoved Lance gently away. Keith already sat at the table and rolled his eyes. Shiro sat down next to him and placed his head in his hands. He was still very tired and bit back a yawn. Lance dropped himself in the chair next to Shiro and smiled at him. "Hey Sleeping Beauty", he teased. Shiro smiled but rolled his eyes. Soon Allura and Coran also stepped into the kitchen and sat down at the table and Hunk served the pancakes. Everyone started to eat and soon a conversation arose over which ice cream flavor was the best. Coran and Allura interposed that they didn't even know what ice cream was and Pidge tried to explain them.

Shiro didn't focus on the conversation and let his mind wander off. But suddenly there was this shadow again, lurking in the corner of his eyes. He whirled around but the shadow was gone. However as he turned around again the others stared at him. Shiro realized horrified that they were coverd in blood and that they had their mouths open in an silent scream. The blue lightes of the castle flicker and violet lights took their place. "Why are you doing this to us, Shiro?", Keith griped Shiros left arm and stared into his eyes. A chill went down his spine and he jerked his arm free. Shiro stood up so fast, that the chair fell over. He backed away from his team but they also stood up and surrounded him. "Why did you leave us like that?", red teares streamed down Alluras face which looked like blood.

Every Paladin started to speak at once and Shiro tried to cover his ears to block the voices out. "How could you do this to us" "You're a terrible leader Shiro" "I wish we'd never found you" "You don't deserve to be the black Paladin" "Make it stop!", Shiro sat down against a wall and remained in a crouched stance. He tried to block the voices out but nothing would work. They were inside his head and they didn't stop screaming at him. "You are mine, _Champion_ ", Haggars voice sounded louder than the others and Shiro glanced up. There stood Haggar with an devilish smile and the weird shadow was next to her. Yellow eyes stared at Shiro and then at Haggar, who looked to the shadow and nodded. Suddenly the figure crashed into Shiro and an anguish cry escaped his lips.

Shiro shot up in his bed. He was covered in sweat and breathed heavely. It was just a dream, he realized. Shiro rubbed his eyes and tried to calm down. Just a dream. He looked over to a table, that stood in his room. A small clock showed '05:25'. Pidge had made an alarm clock for everyone of the Paladins and modified it so they showed the exact time that was currently on earth. Shiro sighted. Even if he would find back to sleep, it wouldn't be worth it. He would just have a hour of sleep and Shiro was afraid of another nightmare. So instead he stood up, put his clothes on and went to the training deck. These nightmares had to stop. They just triggered flashbacks and that would make him a bad leader. He had to find a solution to his problems, even if he had to do it alone.


	2. Chapter 2 - Secrets

**A/N** Hey! Wow I'm actually very proud of myself xD. I wrote more then I expected in the last chapter...But I think I messed the times up...

I tried to spread happines before everything goes down, so enjoy Shiros birthday! Yay!

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own the rights to Voltron or "Control". They belong to DreamWorks and Halsey. (Are you happy now?)

 _And I sat alone, in bed till the morning_

 _I'm crying "they're coming for me"_

 _And I tried to hold these secrets inside me_

 _My mind's like a deadly disease_

 **Metal** struck against metal. You could hear the panting and the shuffled footsteps. The team was currently fighting on the training deck and Shiro watched over them from the control room. Coran sat next to him, his arms crossed behind his head and his legs on a tabel. The team was really good and fought currently with a level 5 bot.

Keith hit it with his sword, which tore the metal apart and revealed many glowing wires. While he distracted the fighting bot, Pidge ram her Bayard into the back of the bot. "Let's make this a little more interesting", Coran grinned and tapped something on the blue screen in front of him. Suddenly a door opened and two more bots ran into the training deck. Lance smiled down to the bots. As a sharpshooter he positioned himself above the others on a small edge and aimed at the bots, which resulted in one of them loosing its head.

Hunk didn't participate in the training because he found some strange fruits on their last mission and wanted to test if they were edible, so Pidge and Keith had to fight mostly on their own because Lance couldn't shoot at the bots when they stood in the way. After several minutes many bot parts were lying on the ground and the three of them sat exhausted on the ground. A door opened and a smiling Shiro entered the room. "You were really good, ", he said and joined them on the ground "next time we'll upgrade to level 6 bots!"

Lance, Pidge and Keith groaned. "Level 5 is hard enough Shiro!", complained Lance after he stood up and removed his helmet. "Well next time Hunk and I will be joining you, so don't worry", Shiro chuckled.

"Hey, is anyone hungry?", Hunk burst into the room and grinned . He wore an apron and held a plate with delicious looking food in his hands. The Paladins cheered and quickly ran over to Hunk, who led them to the kitchen. Everyone enjoyed the meal and even Coran had to admit that Hunks food tastes better than the green Space Goo.

Shiro looked nervously around the room and stared at everyones shadow. His nightmares always followed him to the real world and Shiro could've sworn that some weird shadow followed him everywhere. But at that moment he was nowhere to be seen, so Shiro relaxed slightly.

As always, he took part in the Paladins conversations and laughed at Lance, as he fell of his chair because Pidge punched him. "Why would you do that to me?", he cried dramatically and held his shoulder. Pidge grimaced at him and continued to eat.

After everyone ate they went to the so called 'living room' to watch a movie and to teach Coran and Allura more about earth culture. A week ago Pidge and Hunk tinkered with some space items and created a small television. It wasn't perfect, but it was definitely better than Lance, going on everyones nerves because he was bored.

Shiro was very happy how everything was going. But as soon as the movie ended his fears started to rise up again. Everyone went to their rooms to sleep but Shiro didn't want to sleep. His nightmares would only taunt him.

He sighted. "I can't do this forever", he rested his head in his palms and rubbed his forehead. Only a small blue light illuminated his room and Shiro could barely see his own hands.

Suddenly he registered a movement in the corner of his eyes and he jolted upright. "Not this again", he sighted and looked around his room. His heart raced as he saw what jolted him in the first place: a dark shadow stood in front of Shiro and revealed a toothy grin.

Shiro got goosebumps and activated his Galra arm. But as soon as the violet light illuminated the room, the dark figure vanished. Shiro sighted again and lay down in his bed. This faceless figure haunted him since his first nightmare and he couldn't get rid of it. He even tried to stay awake for days but that only resulted in a mission gone wrong and the more frequently appearing of the shadow.

The memories of these nights burned inside his head and Shiro remembered how he sat in his bed, clutching his head and rocking back and forth. All these voices were whispering inside his mind and he couldn't concentrade on his own thoughts.

Because of that he forced himself to lay down in his bed and sleep every goddamn night. He had to be fully awake in missions and couldn't affort loosing focus because he was too weary. So Shiro had to endure his nightmares, no matter how terrible they were.

_

As always Shiro awoke in cold sweat, panting and trying to identify what was real and what was only a dream. The nightmare was the same from last night: his team dying because of him. No, not because of him...because of Haggar. Shiro shook his head, shoved the blanket aside, got dressed and walked to the living room, where he could already hear the team talking.

Shiro put on a fake smile and entered the room, as everybody turned to him and shouted in unison "Happy Birthday!". Shiro was stunned because he totally forgot his birthday, whereas his team decorated the living room with colorful garlents. Lance, who wore a party hat himself, hopped towards Shiro and attached a party hat on his head.

"Thank you guys!", Shiro hugged Lance because he was the nearest but soon the others followed his action. "I even made a cake and Coran found things that resemble candles", Hunk was the first one to let go. He smiled from one ear to the other and his eyes gleamed like it was his own birthday.

Shiro was very grateful but he was too tired to really enjoy his birthday. While Hunk gave everyone a pice of the cake, Shiro sat at the desk with his head in his hands. He could feel how someone sat down beside him and looked up. "Is everyrhing alright?", Keith looked worriedly at him and took a bite of his cake.

"Yeah I...I'm just tired", Shiro said and padded Keiths back reassuring. Keith seemed to believe him and turned to Pidge, who argued with Lance about the cake frosting. Just as Shiro began to relax, a shadow emerged behind Hunk, who still stood at the counter. Shiro took in a sharp breath and stood up so fast, that his chair fell over.

Everyone flinched and looked surprised to Shiro, who panted and looked into nothingness. "Shiro? What's going on?", asked Allura. But Shiro didn't answer, so she walked to him and touched his shoulder.

He fliched and looked at Allura but his eyes didn't focus on her. Allura shook him, which seemed to bring Shiro back to reality. "Shiro?", Hunk stood behind Allura and eyed him worriedly. "Oh I'm sorry that I startled you all", Shiro looked around and shifted uncomfortably.

"What happened?", Allura sat down again, but this time in the empty chair next to Shiro. He took his chair, set it up again and sat down. "It's nothing...really", he tried to reassure them, that everything was right but failed miserably. "You know that we're not going to buy that", deadpanned Lance.

Shiro sighted and rubbed his forehead. "I don't want to talk about it okay? Let's just forget that that ever happened", he grapped his fork and started to eat his cake. He was aware, that everyone exchanged looks but he didn't care.

Lance just shrugged and everyone continued whatever they were doing. They acted like they didn't care about what happened but everyone silently agreed, that they'll talk about it later.

While his team was chatting and laughing, Shiro got lost in his thoughts again. He saw that shadow figure and could swear that the shape looked a lot like him. This thought made a chill ran down his spine. Why does he have all those strange hallucinations and nightmares?

"What the fuck", exclaimed Lance loudly and tears Shiro from his thoughts. He didn't really know what was going on but Pidge looked shooked at Lance. "Language! Shiro is only 7 you shouldn't swear in front of him!", she scolded him.

Hunk, Keith and Lance laughed at that, while the Alteans looked confused. Shiro only sighted and shook his head but as Lance grimaced and started to swore like a sailor, he couldn't hold his laugher anymore.


End file.
